asker

theblondejester-deactivated2013 asked: *Harley looks at the strange man before her Hello Deadpool How are things

*Wade looks back, though she can’t see that through his mask of coarse, but he shrugs* Oh, same shit, different day. That sort of thing. How about you, crazy pants?

asker

Anonymous asked: LET ME RAPE YOU!

Not rape if it’s willing, sweet cheeks! When you’re as pretty as me, you take what you can get.

asker

bionicpikachu asked: -ATTACK HUG GLOMPS- ^o^ Howya doin' Wade?

Well aren’t you just the cutest thing this side of the galaxy? I’m doing fantaaaastic little guy. Thanks for asking!

asker

peterparker-stark-rogers asked: Wade? You have one of these things too? Well, that's rather.... Shocking.

Why’s it shocking Petey? What really shocks me is that I’ve met about 4 of you on here. AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE SPECIAL. 

asker

askkunaitheyandere asked: What is your opinion on that new Ultimate Spiderman cartoon?

WHAT? Peter gets another cartoon and I’m just stuck with cameos?! 

DAMNIT, SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER AND MAKE ME MY OWN CARTOON. 

asker

avengeallthethings asked: If you marry me, I'll feed you chimichangas off my chest. If you marry me, I promise never to ask about the screaming coming from the basement. If you marry me-- Fuck it. Just marry me.

We’re, goin’ to the chaple and we’re, gonna get MAAARRRRIIIIEEEED. 

Well come on then sugar lump! We gotta get ourselves hitched! Can we please have a taco tray and cream puffs at the reception? That’s all I ask dumplin’. 

asker

Anonymous asked: Have you ever fought Dr.Rabbit?

Me personally? Nope. But my cavities have. 

Sunday funday, ohhh Sunday Sundaayyy

exposed-like-a-nerve:

“I’ll have to tell you more often, then.” Brie smiled slightly, moving along fluidly with his little dance move and then pouting slightly when he took a bite out of the cream puff. It was small enough to fit entirely in her mouth now, and she gulped it down. “As much as he acts like he doesn’t care, he really does. Even more so than he cares about himself sometimes.” She smiled fondly at the thought of her friend, he’d be home within the week. “He might go ape if he found out that you were ever here, you know? The feeling that you might get caught is riveting.” 

Brie looked at him funny, a remote? Why would they need that if they had that wonderful AI? She crinkled her nose, “you don’t know about Jarvis do you?” A pause on her part, “Jarvis.. would you kindly turn everything on?”

“Yes Miss Banner.” The AI turned the whole entertainment system on, the disk drive sliding open. 

Wade fell back on his ass the minute God’s voice filled the house out of no where. Stark and his ridiculously smart brain never ceased to amaze the mouthy mercenary. He smiled back at her trying to play his clumsiness off as he put the movie in the open disc drive, looking around the apartment suspiciously. “Now,oh great and powerful Wizard of Stark Tower, will you pretty please close this fancy pants moving picture maker and start the magical screen projection sequence?” His attempt to confuse the AI was in vain however. “Miss Banner, either your friend is inexplicably dim or just very bad at making jokes." And with that, the lights dimmed and the main menu of the DVD popped up on the television screen, the play option quickly selecting itself and the opening credits began. 

Wade looked completely offended as he turned to Bri, putting a hand to his chest, “Your wizard is very rude, Dorthy. I’m hurt by his harsh, untrue words!” He stuck his tongue out at the ceiling and walked back towards the counter to grab a plate of cream puffs and some fruit before turning back with a smile once to his lovely companion, “Now, let’s sit that cute little toosh on that couch that probably cost more than my apartment and watch some opera!” He quickly made his way back to the sofa, sitting the cream puffs and fruit down before flopping down himself, patting the spot next to him with a goofy grin.

(via exposed-like-a-nerve-deactivate)

lostfrostprince:

arlingtondrivee:

OMG

I AM CRYING

BATMAN. I TOLD YOU TO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY POPTART STASH. THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T LISTEN TO ME.

(via unauthorized-user)

Sunday funday, ohhh Sunday Sundaayyy

exposed-like-a-nerve:

askthatdouchebagdeadpool:

Wade’s hand hung  in the air right in front of the door as it opened, a smile spreading across his face to match hers. He lowered it and walked in, giving Sampson a pat on the head, “Coarse not dumplin’. A friend of your’s is a friend of mine after all!” He turned, bouncing in place a bit, causing little drops of moisture to fall out of his hair and onto Sampson’s face. He held out the box with a cheeky grin and did his best butler pose, ” Cream puffs and fruit, as Miss Banner requested.” he gave a short bow holding the box steady on one hand before putting it on the counter.

“There’s about 3 other boxes in the truck if you want more later puddin’ pop.” He slung his bag over the back of a chair and began unloading the contents of the box in a neat order, popping a grape in his mouth as he did so. “So, what’s it gonna be first? Brightman or Butler?” He smiled over at her as he continued to arrange the cream puffs by flavor. 

Sampson made an attempt to lick the water off of his muzzle. No good. He wagged his tail anyway, following this strange man to the counter. Would he give him a treat? ”No begging. Sampson get in bed.” The dog whined again, and moved towards the couch with his tail between his legs. He climbed onto the couch and made himself comfortable. That would be the last they saw of him until they got the movie started. 

Brie poked her head over his shoulder to get a better look at the contents of the boxes. She felt her mouth water and wiped away the drool before it could get on his shirt. “Have I told you that you’re the best?” Brie reached around him and took one of the chocolate cream puffs, she bit into it. “You’ll have to remind me about that later okay, darling?” They were so good. “Oh — uhm .. I’m thinking Brightman.”

"Eh, once or twice." he said with a smirk, popping another grape in his own mouth. Once everything was set out, he turned to her with a smile, "What the lady wants, the lady gets!" with that, he took her hand and twirled her, taking the cream puff in her other hand and biting into it with a cheeky grin before handing it back to her and grabbing his bag to pull out the DVD. He finally took a moment to take a look around the place as he moved towards the tv and gave a whistle, "Man, Stark really spare no expense when trying to keep his friend happy, huh?" He was sure that if Tony knew he was in the tower the pretty boy billionaire would have a conniption fit, but there was opera to be watched and cream puffs to be ingested damn it!!

He trotted his way over to the television, giving Sampson another ruffle on the head as he passed him, and bent down to work the DVD player. “There wouldn’t happen to be a remote around here, would there my dear buttercup?” He looked back at her with another smile, being bested by the fancy tech before him. He was lucky to get cable on a good day at his place, after all.  Plus anything technical but guns usually confused him easily.

(via exposed-like-a-nerve-deactivate)